In response to 45s hopes for Easter and Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick’s (Texas) call for seniors to sacrifice themselves in order to save the American Economy
Grandpa and I have eight grandchildren
whom we simply adore
and so in exchange for keeping America strong,
we are willing to sacrifice for the children.
Therefore, on Holy Thursday after washing little feet,
wiping runny noses and changing poopy diapers,
We will proceed to pick up our cross,
carry it up the hill,
like Jack and Jill,
to be nailed to the cross.
We love our grandchildren so much,
On Good Friday, we will release our spirits.
Forgive them Father for they know not what they’re doing.
And on the third day, Easter Sunday,
We will rise like the stock market
So that the children can go to church
And brunch and binge and imbibe mimosas
before the giant Easter egg roll on the front lawn.
And on Monday, the economy will surge
and America will keep on going.
And finally, you may wash your hands of this
and please don't cry for our
deaths will not be in vain.
This, after all, is
the cure for the coronavirus.
